The FOBbit: An Expected Journey

“HEY!” I heard a man’s voice yell in the night. I keep walking. “HEY!” Now I’m looking around, as it sounds closer.  I see a tall E-6 with a crisp uniform walking my way, but as I turn to scowl at his tone, he stops. “Man, get yo hands out yo pockets,” he ordered.

Why was his uniform so clean and why did he smell so good?  It was the late fall of 2006 in Baghdad during the height of the Iraq war.  Without immediately responding I look around.  It was a bad day on multiple missions.  It was bitter cold and windy.  My entire body was crusted in sand and sweat with salt stains on my uniform.  All I wanted to do was call home and talk about anything except war, but I couldn’t.  A few men residing at F.O.B. Falcon were killed and all communication was cut until the families were notified.  Now I just wanted to get under some shelter and be left alone.

“EH! YOU HEAR ME?” he screamed again, only his voice cracking this time.

“Are you done?” I asked with my hands still in my pockets.

“Who you talkin’ to?”

“I’m talking to a FOBbit that has no idea what goes on outside those walls and definitely has no idea who he’s talking to, but if you’d like to find out, come on back and meet my platoon getting ready for their third mission today. So… ARE YOU DONE?”

“Yeeee, we done.”

“And no.”

“No?”

I walked off and muttered under my breath to prevent this from getting out of hand “No… I didn’t hear you. My selective hearing doesn’t pick up the whining of a fucking FOBbit.”

            That was a fueler NCO that didn’t get out much.  Back in the states, or “garrison,” we weren’t permitted to put our hands in our pockets even during extreme weather.  I agree it can look unprofessional, but in the middle of a war zone?  Get the fuck out of here!  A FOBbit is someone that is in the military and deploys overseas, but is rarely in any danger as they stay on the FOB.  You’ll hear a lot of FOBbit’s tell war stories and talk about their “PTSD.”  They’re easy to spot.  Just look for someone who’s really proud, but you can’t figure out why.

            Most FOBbits know they aren’t doing anything exciting and keep to themselves.  Other FOBbits just get the short end of the stick.  People in combat arms are randomly selected to work in “The Talk” where someone is needed to work the radios for platoons on missions.  I feel for those guys.  They sign up for combat arms and then they’re stuck answering radios and making coffee.  I’m lucky to have been on the line my entire time deployed.